Monday, April 28, 2008

Don't you (forget about me)



Hey, hey, hey ,hey
Ohhh...

Won't you come see about me?
I'll be alone, dancing you know it baby

Tell me your troubles and doubts
Giving me everything inside and out and
Love's strange so real in the dark
Think of the tender things that we were working on

Slow change may pull us apart
When the light gets into your heart, baby

Don't You Forget About Me
Don't Don't Don't Don't
Don't You Forget About Me

Will you stand above me?
Look my way, never love me
Rain keeps falling, rain keeps falling
Down, down, down

Will you recognise me?
Call my name or walk on by
Rain keeps falling, rain keeps falling
Down, down, down, down

Hey, hey, hey, hey
Ohhhh.....

Don't you try to pretend
It's my feeling we'll win in the end
I won't harm you or touch your defenses
Vanity and security

Don't you forget about me
I'll be alone, dancing you know it baby
Going to take you apart
I'll put us back together at heart, baby

Don't You Forget About Me
Don't Don't Don't Don't
Don't You Forget About Me

As you walk on by
Will you call my name?
As you walk on by
Will you call my name?
When you walk away

Or will you walk away?
Will you walk on by?
Come on - call my name
Will you all my name?

I say :
La la la...


The Simple Minds
Rerereproduced without permission

Friday, April 4, 2008

When it was raining brains...

... they'd opened their umbrellas.

From an opinion filed February 5 by Judge Alice M.Batchelder in United States v. Charles Thomas Allen, II, et al. Allen and his accomplices, Eric Borsuk, Warren Lipka, and Spencer Reinhard,pleaded guilty to six counts, including aiding and abetting the theft of objects of cultural heritage.

Copied shamelessly from Harper's Magazine, April 2008. But surely there can't be a copyright on this!

The defendants were college buddies who hatched a plan to steal rare books from the library at Transylvania University in Lexington, Kentucky, and sell them at auction in New York City. In July 2004, after months of idle discussion, the four men began doing research on rare books, auction houses, and Swiss bank accounts. Warren Lipka created aliases (e.g., "Walter Beckman"), set up email accounts, and contacted the library and various auction houses. Spencer Reinhard created disguises, drew maps, and created false documents. Eric Borsuk and Chaz Allen staked out the library, planned the getaway, and purchased snacks for the trip.

On December 3, posing as "Walter Beckman," they sent an email to Christie's claiming to be "in possession of rare books worth millions." On December 7, "Beckman" sent another email, this time stating: "I have a first addition [sic] Origin of Species by Charles Darwin, manuscripts that date back to the 1500s, and a collection of John James Audubon's Qquadrupeds [sic]and Birds of America. I know that these books are worth a lot." The email concluded with a request for a meeting. Meanwhile, "Walter Beckman" telephoned Mrs. B. J. Gooch, the special-collections librarian at Transylvania, to request an appointment to view several rare books. On December 6, "Beckman" sent an email to Mrs. Gooch confirming·the appointment and specifying an interest in "the famous Audubon books, the first addition [sic]Darwin, and any of the Illuminated Manuscripts."

The robbery was finally at hand. All four men would enter the library, take the books by force, and run for it. They arrived at the library dressed as old men, with makeup, wigs, hats, and costumes, but aborted the plan at the last minute. The exact reason for this is unclear, though it was suggested that a student, unaware of the impending robbery, recognized one of them and asked what they were doing in the ridiculous costumes. Two library employees also noticed them but merely assumed it was some sort of college prank.

Later that afternoon, "Beckman" called Mrs. Gooch and apologized for missing the appointment, claiming to have been out of town for work. He asked to reschedule for the next morning, and Mrs. Gooch reluctantly obliged. When Lipka, posing as "Walter Beckman," arrived for the appointment, Mrs. Gooch was surprised that he was much younger than she had expected and was wearing an unseasonably heavy coat, gloves, and hat. After establishing that the elevator was working and that there were no cameras in the library, "Beckman" asked if he could have his friend join them. When Mrs. Gooch agreed, he made a call on his cell phone, and within one minute Eric Borsuk arrived, wearing a heavy coat, a bandage on his face, and eyeglasses. Both men signed in with illegible signatures. Once inside the library, the two men wrestled Mrs. Gooch to the ground and began zapping her in the arm with a pen-type stun gun, which caused a tingling sensation and left a small bruise but did not cause significant pain. Mrs. Gooch screamed, though she knew that no one could hear her from that location in the library, but she did not panic. She was particularly unnerved, however, when Lipka called her by her first name, warning her, "If you just keep on struggling, it will only hurt more." Mrs. Gooch submitted, and the two men bound her hands and feet with plastic zip ties, removed her glasses, and covered her eyes with a stocking cap. Lipka and Borsuk then collected the volumes Mrs. Gooch had set out. These items were later appraised by Sotheby's and described as follows:

1. Hortus Sanitatis, Ortus Sanitatis translate de Laten en Francois. Paris, circa 1500. Estimated
value: $450,000.
2. Twenty pencil drawings, believed to have been commissioned for The Birds of America. Estimated value: $50,000.
3. A Synopsis ~f the Birds of North America, by John James Audubon. Autographed by Audubon. Estimated value: $10,000.
4. On the Origin of Species by Means of Natural Selection, by Charles Darwin. First edition; rebound. Estimated value: $25,000.
5. Illuminated Manuscript, Devotional Calendar. England, circa 1425. Estimated value: $200,000.
6. The Birds of North America from Original Drawings, by Audubon. London, 1827-1838. Four volumes, elephant folio. Estimated value: $4,800,000.
7. The Viviparous Quadrupeds of North America,by John James Audubon and John Bachman. Estimated value: $225,000.

The robbers had foreseen that the objects they coveted would be very large and heavy. Consequently, they brought with them a (pink) bedsheet, which they laid on the floor. Having underestimated the sizes and weights, they abandoned two of the Birds of North America volumes, which were left in the library atop the bedsheet,and one of the three Quadrupeds of North America volumes, which had become stuck in its drawer. They had planned to take the employees-only elevator to the first floor and escape through an emergency exit, outside of which Allen was waiting in a van, but they had some difficulty operating the elevator. Head librarian Susan Brown, in the library's basement at the time, was startled when the elevator doors opened to reveal Lipka and Borsuk in their heavy coats and gloves, holding some of the library's most prized possessions. Realizing that something was amiss, she started toward the elevator, but Lipka and Borsuk quickly got the doors closed and the elevator moving again. Alarmed, Ms. Brown ran upstairs.

In the meantime, Mrs. Gooch had begun to free herself and to call for help. She yelled to Ms. Brown that they were being robbed, and Ms. Brown wheeled around to pursue the robbers. She caught up to them in a stairwell, where they were attempting to open the emergency exit. Surprised by her arrival, they dropped the remaining volumes of the Birds of North America and the Quadrupeds sets. Lipka and Borsuk, with Ms. Brown and other librarians in hot pursuit, scrambled into the waiting van and sped away, though not before Ms. Brown had scratched the van with a key to mark it for later identification.

Allen, Lipka, and Borsuk went home and hid the stolen objects in the basement of their residence, in a semihidden room disguised to conceal the marijuana growing inside. They then gathered up evidence related to the robbery, including written plans, disguises, and the stun pen, and disposed of it all in a nearby dumpster. Reinhard, who was enrolled at Transylvania University, stayed on campus to take an exam.

Having told their parents they were going on a ski trip, the four men then drove to New York City to have the objects appraised. On December 21, Lipka and Reinhard, claiming to be representatives of "Walter Beckman," whom they described as "a very private individual," met with Christie's representative Melanie Halloran. After reviewing the objects for approximately fifteen minutes, Ms. Halloran agreed that Christie's could sell the objects, and Reinhard gave Ms. Halloran his cell phone number so that she could contact him.

By this time, police were investigating the emails sent to Mrs. Gooch from the account Beckmanwalter@yahoo.com. Yahoo account records immediately revealed the emails between "Beckman" and Christie's. In concert with the FBI, the police contacted Christie's and spoke with Ms. Halloran, who gave them Reinhard's cell phone number. By February they had apprehended the four men and recovered the stolen goods undamaged.

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

The Genie

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him, and as he sits down, the waitress comes over and asks for their order.

The man says, "I'll have a hamburger, fries and a coke," and turns to the ostrich. "What's yours?"

"I'll have the same," says the ostrich.

A short time later the waitress returns with the order. "That will be $12.40 please," and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out exact change for payment.

The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, "I'll have a hamburger, fries and a coke," and the ostrich says, "I'll have the same." Once again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.

This becomes a routine until late one evening, the two enter again. "The usual?" asks the waitress.

"No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and salad," says the man. "Same for me," says the ostrich.

At the end of the meal the waitress comes with the bill and says, "That will be $22.62." Once again the man pulls exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table. The waitress can't hold back her curiosity any longer. "Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket every time?"

"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and I found an old lamp. When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, just put my hand in my pocket, and the right amount of money would always be there."

"That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people would wish for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!"

"That's right! Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man.

The waitress asks, "One other thing, sir, what's with the ostrich?"

The man sighs, pauses, and answers, "My second wish was for a tall chick with long legs who agrees with everything I say."

Joke copied from here.